Every time I lay atop the nice hand-me-down leather sofa situated so thoughtfully in the front room of my house, out of sight of My People, I am thankful for the perfectly made-for-furniture-upholstery bovine species.
Of course, to base all of my feelings, regardless of how moooooving they might be, simply on the fact that My People's cow-hide covered sofa is comfortable would be downright irresponsible. That's why, in the course of developing my considerable admiration for cows I considered multiple other factors.
First, consider the simple hamburger patty. I love how it is usually so uniformally rounded to fit exquisitely on a bun sized to perfectly fit in the mouth of a large (need I say real) dog. The flatness of one side of the patty makes it stable as it sits on the plate on the counter and the thickness of it makes it easily visible by four-legged wayfarers like me. It's aroma is powerful enough to notify all who care to notice such things that it is available for enjoyment. Yes...I love hamburger patties.
Second, consider the simple steak. The variety of different types of steaks ensures that every unique steak-lover's desire can be met. The presence of a bone in the middle of a grilled-to-perfection steak is like the gum at the center of a tootsie pop, the peanut butter under the chocolate in a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, or the squeaker in the center of a rubber play toy. It is so much fun to play with and definitely worth the effort. Yes...I love steaks.
Third, consider shoes. Awesome chew toys. Need I say more? Yes...I love shoes.
The list of why I love cows is long. That's why it is such a shame that My People don't eat beef. I'll just lay on my leather sofa and dream.
I am not "vile and wretched." I am definitely not a "creature." I am Luke and I Support Cows.
Vote For Luke.
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